by Oksana Boichenko
Having someone you trust (an interpreter you know, a reputable agency representative, etc) meet your lady in person is the best option to knowing how genuine and real she is. But even when that is not an option, there are some other red flags to watch for and make sure you are not being fooled.
It is true that many Russian brides do not give much consideration to the age difference. However, we suggest that you analyze all pros and cons, as well as your communication when your birth dates are too far apart.
It seems that most men get excited at the prospect of having a wife, much younger than them. Of course, having an 18 year old beauty with brains as your partner when you are over 45 can boost any ego. But no matter how robust or energetic you are, we suggest that you take a step back, quiet your racing heart, and think of what your relationship will be like 5 or 10 years down the road. You will most likely be more interested in having more family time and a more relaxed lifestyle, while your wife (by now at her prime age) will still want to go out, visit crowded places, and be on the go most of the time. Such a difference is likely to put a strain on any relationship, no matter how emotional and connected the partners are.
This doesn't mean that you should give up the idea of having a young beautiful wife all together, of course. But we suggest that you raise your age limit by a few years to ensure that a woman you choose to build a relationship with not only has life experience, but also is mature enough to understand all implications of a long-distance, age-difference relationship with a person from overseas.
Another important thing to consider is the start and style of your relationship. Once I got a call from a good friend of mine, an American, saying he received a message from a gorgeous 18 year old girl saying she is dying to get to know him. As dear friend as he is, I would certainly admit that he is no Brad Pitt - quite an ordinary guy in appearance, in his early 50s, a bit on the heavy side - you get the picture. Lucky for him, being a pragmatic person and knowing all his best and worst features, he didn't rush to write her back with I-love-you's. As a curious experiment, he decided to write to her for some time and see the outcome - after the third letter he became the man of her life, after the seventh he was asked for money, and after he stopped writing to her, he received an exact copy of her first letter… but under a different name!
All this said, it doesn't mean you should get suspicious when your Russian bride is open about expressing her emotions. But we do suggest exercising some common sense and not basing any decisions on your emotional attachment alone.
Another sure way for scammers to easily fool you for a long time is to avoid communication THROUGH DIFFERENT MEDIA. It is easy to conceal information through an email address, which can not be tracked or checked.
Long-distance calls are expensive, but are a good measure to keep in touch from time to time. It is a great sign of a woman's genuine intentions if she shares her home as well as cell phone number with you - a good proof that she is not hiding who she really is. More often than not, scammers will give a cell phone number only, as it is something that is hard to track and easy to replace. We also recommend that you pay attention to her snail mail address - most scammers will use P.O. box addresses, instead of actual street/house information.
Naturally, common sense says that you can not expect a lady to share all of her contact information with someone she does not know. Even with most serious intentions, it might take time for her to be certain of your interest and intentions as well before she gives you her full contact information. But if your lady has to make frequent excuses about her phone being switched off or stolen, her not being home, etc. we would caution you to proceed with your communication carefully.
Another simple way to check how real your lady is could be by simply asking her to send you some personal photos. The pictures of beautiful women commonly used by scammers are easily downloaded from the Internet, but will most likely have little variety in setting, style, etc. They will normally look like studio photos (most scammers are "models in the past"), and will not have anyone except "the lady" in them. Having your lady refuse (or make excuses) to send you photographs with family and friends is a great guarantee that she is a scammer. Most photo studios and internet cafes allow to scan and mail information (or will do it for inexperienced users) with ease.
But even if you discard every piece of advice mentioned above, there is still one main rule to remember - NEVER SEND ANY MONEY TO SOMEONE YOU HAVE NOT MET IN PERSON. Just because you are using a trusted service, it doesn't mean that you can be sure the real person gets the money. For example, many Western Union agents are bribed and share the profits of transfers, received by scammers: a person with a completely different name can receive the money, and the Western Union agent will simply overlook the incoherency in the documents for a commission.
We strongly encourage you to conduct your own investigation and research when you have any doubts about the person you are writing to, or even when you decide to correspond with someone from abroad (especially if you are not using an agency). Many sites will share the names of the existing scammers, finding information about your lady's home country can also give you helpful insights, etc. Knowledge is power, and our agency is always ready to provide you with it.
About the Author
Oksana Boichenko
OksanaLove, Inc.
http://www.oksanalove.com
The matchmaker with 12 years of experience in the online dating business. You can find your second half - just visit our dating site and meet your Russian bride among the thousands of beautiful Russian women.
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